My husband has the most hilarious sleep habits. Sometimes he'll suddenly wake up and tell me to "stop singing happy birthday" to him when I'm just brushing my teeth in the bathroom. Other times, he'll randomly start humming songs (that aren't really songs...or at least they're Daniel originals). The most common habit is his groaning. When he's stressed, he groans in his sleep. When he's sad, he groans in his sleep. When he's having crazy dreams, he groans in his sleep.
But a few weeks ago, I discovered the key to his groaning. He was there "uuuuUUUUUNNNG"-ing away and I put my hand on his back. Silence. Took my hand away and the "uuuuuUUUUUUUNNNG" started back up again. Touched a finger to his back. Silence.
Honestly, it was a pretty fun game to play (well, you know, until I wanted to turn over and go to sleep and the groaning came back). And I truly don't know if it was my touch in particular or if the groaning would've stopped if Taco had placed a paw on his back (I should totally try that!), but either way, it's amazing how much comfort a simple touch can bring.
One of Daniel's love languages is physical touch and I forget that far too often. A back rub is the last thing I want as I'm falling asleep, so I had to train myself to remember that he actually likes that. For the longest time (and sometimes still now), I thought it was such a bother that he would reach out and grab my hand or arm every time I walked by him as I was trying to do chores. The guy just wanted a quick kiss or to hold my hand for a second. I could speak comforting words to him until my face turned blue (which happens to be one of my strengths - the words, not the turning blue), but what he really needs is for me to stop what I'm doing, focus solely on him, and give him a big hug (which is surprisingly difficult for me to remember to do! It's not on my to-do list!). I'm really working on teaching myself to remember how the little things, a kiss on the forehead or a touch on the arm, can really change the pace and mood of our day. Comfort.
He's on the same road trying to figure out how I need to be comforted. I need the words. His first response is to hug me. As much as I love hugs, I want him to talk me through things and reassure me. He's getting better and better at the soothing words every day! Just last night he was able to completely diffuse my moment of craziness by talking me through my frantic thoughts and explaining to me exactly how everything was going to be okay. His tone, his facial expressions, and his words were so calming. Comfort.
We're still just beginning to learn how to best comfort the other person, but I tell you what - comfort from my husband is unlike anything else. It brings such a deep sense of safety, security, and peace...and I surely want to be able to show that to him more often!
But a few weeks ago, I discovered the key to his groaning. He was there "uuuuUUUUUNNNG"-ing away and I put my hand on his back. Silence. Took my hand away and the "uuuuuUUUUUUUNNNG" started back up again. Touched a finger to his back. Silence.
Honestly, it was a pretty fun game to play (well, you know, until I wanted to turn over and go to sleep and the groaning came back). And I truly don't know if it was my touch in particular or if the groaning would've stopped if Taco had placed a paw on his back (I should totally try that!), but either way, it's amazing how much comfort a simple touch can bring.
One of Daniel's love languages is physical touch and I forget that far too often. A back rub is the last thing I want as I'm falling asleep, so I had to train myself to remember that he actually likes that. For the longest time (and sometimes still now), I thought it was such a bother that he would reach out and grab my hand or arm every time I walked by him as I was trying to do chores. The guy just wanted a quick kiss or to hold my hand for a second. I could speak comforting words to him until my face turned blue (which happens to be one of my strengths - the words, not the turning blue), but what he really needs is for me to stop what I'm doing, focus solely on him, and give him a big hug (which is surprisingly difficult for me to remember to do! It's not on my to-do list!). I'm really working on teaching myself to remember how the little things, a kiss on the forehead or a touch on the arm, can really change the pace and mood of our day. Comfort.
He's on the same road trying to figure out how I need to be comforted. I need the words. His first response is to hug me. As much as I love hugs, I want him to talk me through things and reassure me. He's getting better and better at the soothing words every day! Just last night he was able to completely diffuse my moment of craziness by talking me through my frantic thoughts and explaining to me exactly how everything was going to be okay. His tone, his facial expressions, and his words were so calming. Comfort.
We're still just beginning to learn how to best comfort the other person, but I tell you what - comfort from my husband is unlike anything else. It brings such a deep sense of safety, security, and peace...and I surely want to be able to show that to him more often!
4 comments:
Such a good observation - I think the differences in love languages between people really stand out when we're in search of comfort. One of the things I had a hard time learning when we first got married was that the things that reassure me aren't necessarily what will be comforting to my husband.
Thanks, Amy! I still have a hard time with that! Sometimes it's so hard to take myself out of my own mind and try to see and understand things the way he does. Every time I do, though, it sure pays off!
Such wisdom!!!! Your young marriage is already a testimony to others. keep it up.
Love,
Karen
Just stumbled on your blog (via the Cake Batter Puppy Chow recipe) but have been blessed by reading your posts on marriage. I had to giggle at the comment about your husband's love language. Several years ago, my husband and I went to a retreat took the 5 love languages inventory. He scored as HIGH as humanly possible in the physical touch category...and guess who scored as LOW as possible in that one? Yep. Me. But, wow, it explained SO much!!! Such a valuable bit of insight that has made a huge impact on how we communicate with each other. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. =)
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